Can We Institutionalize "Happy" in Cohousing?

How making decision after decision lays the foundation for a cohousing community to succeed.

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This is the question Charles Durrett and his associates  Bernice Gonzales and Erik Bonnett seek to answer in their book:  Happily Ever Aftering in Cohousing:  A Handbook for Community Living
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Last week (November 17, 2015) I began at the end of the book exploring “The Community Tax.”

This week, I begin at the beginning with the introduction because this is important thinking on what makes cohousing “work.”

“…cohousing… is a collaborative construction, built not brick by brick but decision by decision. The architecture is just the picture frame; the folks living and laughing in the community are the picture.”  Charles (Chuck) Durrett.

Decision by decision.  This is key.  This is the “work” of the group.  Each decision building a firm foundation for the next decision and the formation of group cohesion.   This is the sometimes “heavy lifting” in community that gives rise to good decision making, connection, bonding and … wisdom.

Wisdom?

Yes.  Because, as Chuck writes:  “if it doesn’t work socially, why bother?”

How is the “wisdom” of the group attained?

Here is one of the book’s important offerings:  studying* what contributes to the group’s “creating and maintaining healthy relationships.”  

Chuck suggests communities “measure social solutions, from a management point of view, to foster healthy relationships.  Most importantly, focus on proactively preventing problems from developing in the first place.”

(Short editorial digression beginneth.)  This measuring, studying, evaluating and implementing is built into Sociocracy which is a governance structure that uses consensus decision-making.  Sociocracy or Dynamic Governance is being used or considered for use by many cohousing groups as the difficulty in running a sometimes multimillion dollar complex on a simple form of consensus decision-making becomes apparent.  I will talk more about Sociocracy, governance and cohousing values when reviewing the section on group process. 

What is important here is that when adopting Sociocracy, the studying from a “management point of view” Chuck speaks so strongly about, is inherent in the Sociocratic or Dynamic Governance process.  Why not adopt a form of governance in which these management practices for improving the health of a community is built in?  (Thus endeth short editorial digression.)

Key Groups & Best Practices

But how to make it work socially?

in his book, Chuck looks at "best practices" of  four “key groups":

• Group Process
• Management
• Meals
• Maintenance​

Chuck writes that with a just a few minimum expectations*  “set up in the right way” around these four key groups we can go a long way in institutionalizing happy.

As an example, Chuck cites clarifying the requirements around common dinners which he believes to be the most important of the skills required in a health cohousing community.  If your expectation is that everyone cooks at least once a month … make that clear to everyone who comes into the community.   It’s not an option.  It’s that important.

(In fact, Chuck argues that breaking bread together is so important that to rebuild a struggling community, start with common meals.)

The importance of expected minimums is true for participation in the work of the community both in workshare and in governance and decision-making.  While there is always a range of contribution from folks who do too much to folks who contribute little, if there are minimum expectations in place there will be enough resiliency in the community to keep the community running smoothly. 

Chuck suggests codifying these expected minimums in an “agreement of understanding” signed by each person in the community.  That way, each person is clear as to what his or her expected minimum participation actually is.  The expectations, the clarification, the codification is done before move in.  And if well done, this process is carried out over the life of the community.

The history of my own community, Takoma Village, Washington, DC,  supports this view of the necessity of clear expectations.  For the founders,  these expectations were fairly clear.  However, as folks moved out and new folks moved in, we did not have a solid orientation program in place and consequently the knowledge and wisdom of the group was not handed down to new folks in an organized way. 

In the last two years, we have developed a rigorous orientation program designed to help people learn about our community BEFORE buying here.  Once they are homeowners the orientation continues to bring new owners up to speed on what expectations are in place.  The difference in the participation of new homeowners pre-orientation program and those who have come in since the orientation program has been initiated is striking.  People who have been through this rigorous orientation show up for meetings, dinners, work days and serve on teams as a matter of course.

It's All in the "Attitudes"

In addition, Chuck lists three attitudes he believes are essential to making cohousing work:

1.    Community is worth it.  The advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
2.    A desire of integrity: I will live my values more fully.
3.    A commitment to community:  We can solve this problem together.
I add two more:
4.    Don’t let perfection be the enemy of the good.
5.    It’s all about practice, practice, practice.  Even when you are “happily ever altering” it’s still all about practice.

Feeding The Soul

Cohousing communities diverge from standard condos in many ways.  Circling back to offering dinners on a regular basis -- cohousing is outstanding. It's the SOUL of the community.
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“If your really want to make a friend, go to someone’s house and eat with him — the people who give you their food give you their hearts.” Caesar Chavez

* Note:  Words in italics are for emphasis by me not the author.

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Mid Atlantic Cohousing's First Ever Thanksgiving
Quantity Cooking Recipe Contest!

Two weeks ago, we announced this first ever contest designed to gather those super good delicious recipes from cohousing communities around the world. 

This week, we announce the winner of the $50.00 prize!

Alice Alexander for SWEET POTATO GINGER!
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Alice is co-founder of Durham Central Park Cohousing Community, based in a 24-unit building self-developed in downtown Durham, NC.  Originally from Northern Virginia, with some time in Ohio, Alice moved to Durham in 2001 and immediately felt at home. Alice is a baby boomer with a need to make an impact and can think of no better investment than to serve CohoUS as its Executive Director.

Here is what The Judges, Robbin Phelps and Bruce Jones of Takoma Village, said about Sweet Potato Ginger:

Delicious! 

Authentic Thanksgiving flavors of sweet potatoes and toasted walnuts, with the zing from ginger that awakens the taste buds. It is gluten free and vegetarian, and we guess that you could make it vegan by eliminating the butter and using either olive oil or coconut oil. Nice and easy: just bake the potatoes, and mash everything together. Fun, too – you can mash with your hands. We do not anticipate that there would be leftovers. But, if you want to set some aside ahead of time just for that, the dish would heat up well in the microwave, on the stovetop, or in the oven.
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Thank you to Ruth Hirsch, Cantine's Island, Saugerties, New York,  Betsy Mendelshohn, Takoma Village, Washington, DC, Barbara Buckram, Meadow Wood, Bremerton, WA,  Jessica Gaitan, Enright Ridge Urban EcoVillage, Cincinnati, OH.  You can meet everyone who submitted a recipe and download them all.  These recipes are the beginnings our book on the collective wisdom of cohousing.  Get all the recipes!  Who's up for cooking?   Leave comments on our blog for this entry!

The Judges

Bruce Jones and Robbin Phelps live at Takoma Village Cohousing in Washington, DC.  They are married with a son away for his first year in college. Here is what Robbin says about Bruce:  "He has been a foodie since he was a kid. Seriously into cooking by age 9, according to his Mom. Loves reading cookbooks and watching cooking shows. By day, an IT director for DC Government. Father of a fabulous 18 year old who at least can make his own mac and cheese, and has been known to make a mean plate of fried green tomatoes."  (Robbin is no slouch as a cook, either!)

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Bruce Jones, The Judge

Robbin Phelps, The Judge 2

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​What fun contests about "life in cohousing" would you like to see?  Send your suggestions to:  Ann Zabaldo.  Or you can comment on our blog site under this posting.  Open to all clean & green, natural, organic, cage & steroid-free contests ...

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Edi-bits

A Tree House that sleeps 4, is beautiful and meets code.  And is built around a tree.  Move over Falling Waters ...

For your dose of the weird:  an entire issue of DEZEEN.  Public sauna in the photo.  Just keep scrolling ...

Window to balcony transformation.  You have to see the video  ...

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Tree House Sleeps 4; Meets Code

Public Sauna in Sweden

Window converts to Balcony